Just Because I Didn’t ______, Doesn’t Mean I’m a Bad Mom

Just Because I Didn’t ______, Doesn’t Mean I’m a Bad Mom

Mom Jeanine
January 12, 2012


10 Things..., Good Question, hot topic, Jeanine Edwards

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Is anyone else sick of Beyonce baby news yet? Yeah, me too. Don’t get me wrong–I love Beyonce. But enough is enough.

As I was reading the couple’s statement–ha!–about the birth of baby Blue Ivy, I couldn’t help but get tripped up on the fact that they made special note to say, “She was delivered naturally at a healthy 7 lbs.” Okay, so what exactly is an unnatural birth? One via C-section? One that involves an epidural?

I’d like to think Beyonce didn’t choose this particular phrasing to assert some kind of superiority, but let’s be honest: moms are judgy. We’ve all experienced some sort of guilt trip because we didn’t do something the “right” way. But at the end of the day, if your kid is happy and healthy, does it really matter if you had an epidural or only dressed him/her in organic clothes? Probably not.

So before your next playdate with the judgy mom on the block, read these 10 reminders and commit them to memory. Just because you didn’t _____, doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom.

1. Breastfeed until your kid was 5. Or at all. Yes doctors agree that breastfeeding is the best option, but it’s not the only option. So if, for whatever reason, you didn’t breastfeed your kid, don’t get down on yourself. It’s not like you were starving your baby, after all. And countless formula babies have grown up to be perfectly healthy, smart, contributing members of society.

2. Have a “natural” birth. The idea of someone else’s birth being more natural than someone else’s has always irked me. Why does it matter if I had an epidural or a C-section? The baby came from my body and that’s what’s natural.

3. Let my baby cry it out. My daughter is 3 and she still sleeps with me, so yeah, I wasn’t into that whole crying it out business. And just because she isn’t sleeping in her own bed, doesn’t mean she’s maladjusted or developmentally delayed. She’ll make it to her own bed when we’re ready, hopefully minus all those nights of crying.

4. Obey the “No TV before 2″ rule. My daughter doesn’t watch a lot of TV, but she definitely knew who Dora the Explorer was before her second birthday. But she can also count to 100, write all of her letters and numbers, spell her name and recite her telephone number. And hey, she knows a ton of Spanish too and Dora gets all the credit for that.

5. Dress your baby organics exclusively. Because before organic cotton and bamboo became all the rage, babies were perfectly fine wearing just plain ol’ cotton.

6. Sign your kid up for every class at the YMCA. The way I see it, my daughter has her whole life to learn ballet and play the piano. Heck, if she wants to get into college her teenage life will be consumed by these activities. So for now, while she’s still so young, it’s perfectly fine by me to enjoy simple fun at the playground or around the house with her.

7. Quit your job to be a SAHM. Although it is easy to sometimes envy moms who don’t have to deal with the guilt of leaving their kids every day, it’s also pretty nice to have a built in break even if it is in the form of work. And that doesn’t make you a bad mom. It’s actually probably beneficial for your kid to see that moms sometimes have to work, too.

8. Start feeding my kid only the healthiest, most organic, free-range food out there. You know what? Your kid won’t instantly develop a laundry list of medical issues from eating McDonald’s or non-organic fruits and vegetables every once in a while. Trust me–I asked my pediatrician.

9. Stay in a relationship that made you unhappy. Sure, two parents under the same roof is ideal, but not if 1 or both of those parents is miserable. Simple as that.

10. Move to the ‘burbs. There are endless reasons why raising kids in the suburbs is better, but staying in the city has its advantages. Culture, diversity, no need for a car? Those are just a few reason your kid will be better for growing up in the city.

Have any others to add? What have you been judged about? Share in the comments.

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  • Camey Medina
    January 12, 2012

  • I loved this article. I can relate with many of these points. We still live in the city, my daughter was formula fed, I work full-time (which I have gotten slack for,) and my daughter was obsessed with Dora before she turned 2. I’ve been judged about letting my 1 1/2 year old eat Cheetos at a party. She already had eaten dinner and loves Cheetos so why not? People really need to lighten up!

  • R. Smith
    January 12, 2012

  • I am a Single Mother and get judged constantly for working so much. I don’t want to work like I do but at the job i’m at I really don’t get paid much so I need all the hours I can get to pay the bills and make sure my son is happy and healthy. He watches some tv as well and he knows a lot and he just turned 2. I never breast fed and his clothes are a lot of hammy downs but at least he has clothes on his back. I don’t judge people on how they raise their kids or where they do. Now days people are doing all they can. Also, Every person is different, they were raised different, every child is different. So why judge? As long as you are taking care of your children and they are happy and healthy, there should be nothing wrong. Yes, I envy people who have both parents there to help each other. But, as a single mother, I get twice the workload, yes, but also twice the rewards. I get judged because my son’s father is not around. How am I to help that when that is his decision. People just need to realize that no 2 people are alike. I for one am proud to be a single mom and if people think that’s wrong then maybe they should try it and stop judging the one’s that are. It’s not easy, but it can be done. I’ve seen kids with single parents grow up to be just fine.

  • Helen
    January 12, 2012

  • All of the reports say she had a scheduled c-section so I don’t know what her statement is implying.