Would You Ever Be a Surrogate?

Would You Ever Be a Surrogate?

Mom Jeanine
November 2, 2011

5 Comments »

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Good Question, hot topic, Jeanine Edwards

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Last night I was watching Parenthood and one of the characters, Julia, had a super awkward exchange with her surrogate. As it always seems to be portrayed on TV, the surrogate was some young girl who didn’t know anything about being pregnant. When Julia caught her surrogate eating sushi, she tried to explain that pregnant women shouldn’t eat sushi and it all came out wrong. But it turns out, the surrogate didn’t know any of this. It was an uncomfortable convo, but it needed to happen.

So I started thinking, wouldn’t women who’ve already been pregnant make the best surrogates? I mean, they already know what not to do, what not to eat, etc.

I also ask because, crazy as it sounds, I’ve actually considered the idea of being a surrogate. Yes, the money is amazing (and it would totally cover my daughter’s schooling for a year), but that’s not the real reason I’m open to surrogacy.

Someone very close to me has suffered several miscarriages. Most recently, she made it to her second trimester and then there were crazy complications that threatened the life of her baby. I know how badly she wants to be a mom–and I think her and her husband would be great parents. So when the thought of carrying a baby for them randomly crossed my mind, I didn’t immediately dismiss. They didn’t ask or even suggest it, but if they did, I would strongly consider it.

Now I get how this could be weird for some people, but let me explain. For one, there is no sex involved. So I wouldn’t have to cheat on my boyfriend and her husband wouldn’t have to cheat on her.

Secondly, I absolutely loved being pregnant. I would say that I am a pretty happy mother, but I was a completely jubilant pregnant person. There was no sickness, I didn’t mind the weight gain and I really have nothing negative to say about the whole process. Not even labor, which was hard, of course, but not so traumatizing that I wouldn’t do it again.

Most importantly, though, I know what it’s like to want a child. And I also know what an amazing experience raising a child is. So if there was a way for me to give that to someone I love–someone who wants it just as much as I did–I would strongly consider it. I don’t see carrying someone else’s child as this gross invasion of my personal space or life. As hippie dippy as it may sound, my body is just a vessel I can use to help give this couple I love an amazing gift.

And it’s not like I’d have to hand the baby off and never see it again. Because I’m close to these people, I could watch him/her grow and celebrate milestones right along with the parents.

Weirded out? Yeah, my boyfriend is too so luckily no one has asked me to be their surrogate. Yet. Just kidding (sort of).

What about you, though? Would you ever, under any circumstances, carry a baby for someone else? Share in the comments.

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Comments

  • No offense...
    November 2, 2011

  • but I’ve read too many of your posts to think it would be a good idea for you to carry someone else’s child without major damage to yourself, your family and your friend. Your heart is in the right place, but there are reasons most surrogates are not connected to the adopting parents. Maybe volunteer to do the initial research for the couple but keep your womb to yourself.

  • Hannah
    November 2, 2011

  • Unlike “No offense…” I think that’s an extremely personal decision that each person would have to make for themselves. I don’t think I could ever do it, just because I would feel a deep connection to the child, and giving it up at ANY point would be too difficult for me. But that’s me! I think it’s amazing that there are people out there who can say, “I know you would be a good parent, and I am able to carry this baby, and then give it to you when it’s born.” If not for them, there are hundreds of families who would feel incomplete.

    But yeah, a surrogate should not be a first time mommy… how can you possibly know how you’ll react once the child is born??

  • Helen Williams Chaffins
    November 2, 2011

  • Usually to be a surrogate via an agency you have to have already had children so the whole parenthood episode seems inaccurate to me. I was 100% going to do this not once but twice for a couple of close friends, however, my second pregnancy was not as easy as my first and I had debilitating pelvic joint pain which would not necessarily have stopped me but then I gave birth to my daughter in an elevator after being in labor for less than an hour so helping the people I care about became a non option.

  • Taissa
    November 2, 2011

  • I would totally be a surrogate. I too loved being pregnant amd the thought of bringing love and happiness to a close friend would make me happy too. Ive had the thought pass thru my mind for a friend who has had several miscarriges also.

  • Sandra
    November 2, 2011

  • I have thought about it and considered it and know others who have been surrogates for other couples… which is amazing and commendable… but if it came down to it, I don’t think I would be able to do it, at least not at this stage in my life. I am currently pregnant with baby #2, and although it’s been smoother than most pregnancies I hear about, it’s still really hard being sleepy and tired and not being able to run around with my toddler as much, not to mention labor, the recovery time after birth, the time off from work…