Is It Possible to Love Your Second Kid As Much As Your First?

Is It Possible to Love Your Second Kid As Much As Your First?

Mom Jeanine
November 4, 2011


Good Question, hot topic, Jeanine Edwards

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Even though I’m not convinced it’s a good idea to try to be “friends” with your kids, in a lot of ways my daughter is like my best friend. I look forward to seeing her every day, celebrating milestones with her and simply talking to her. Sure, I’ve been called codependent, but I just think my daughter and I are very close.

That being said, when people ask if I want to have more children I always hesitate. And not because I don’t love being a mother. I do. But that’s just it. I love my daughter so much, I’m not sure it’s possible for me to love another kid as much as I love her.

I can already see the strain now that I’m in a relationship. I sometimes put my daughter’s feelings before my boyfriend’s; I even sometimes ask for time off with him so I can spend alone time with my little girl. If I were to add another kid into the mix, I hate to say it but he/she might get the short end of the stick because I’m already so attached to my daughter.

Closeness aside, though, I also think there are practical reasons why I’m more inclined to stick with just one child. The obvious reason, of course, is that it’s cheaper. But I also think I’d freak out a little if I had a boy. I’m so accustomed to raising a girl, if my second child were a boy I might be a little, teeny tiny bit disappointed. Another factor I always consider is whether or not I’m cut out to handle a baby and a toddler. I have my hands full with my 3-year-old, I’m not sure I’d have the energy to take care of two kids. And then of course, there’s that whole co-sleeping issue. There’s just not enough room in my bed for another kid.

Am I crazy? If you have a second child, do you really love him/her as much as the first? Weigh in in the comments.

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  • Shelley Davin McGuire
    November 4, 2011

  • I think you said out loud (or wrote) what a lot of first time moms feel. I know I did. While wanting to teach my daughter to be dependent, all the same we’ve always been very close, too. (though I quit the co-sleeping when she was 2 or 3 so that she wouldn’t form difficulties falling asleep on her own… so SHE wouldn’t be co-dependent, ya know? Now she’d RATHER sleep in her own bed! lol) I, too, love kids and being a mom. I NEVER imagined I would hesitate to have more, but I did for the EXACT same reasons as you. I asked my grandmother a few times (she’s like a mom to me) if it was possible to love another like the first and how could I not short-change either one with mommy-love. So you can imagine my anxiety when I found out I was pregnant. When my daughter was nearly 5, she became a big sister… to a little BROTHER! (another whirlwind for me) I can’t tell you in words how much I love that little boy. Well, probably how much you and I love our little girls. Love’s pretty magical that way, I think. And brother and sister? I can’t imagine them not having each other – they ADORE each other. I do think that her having a sibling at 4/5 years of age helped – she was at the age of wanting to be a big helper instead of jealous of the new addition. I encourage you to think strongly about adding little blessings to your family. I think they’ll be just that… a blessing. :)

  • cl
    November 4, 2011

  • Of course I do! Even the third one. I adore all of them. I lost my second daughter when she was 21. That is the worst thing you can ever have happen. What if I had only one child? I cannot ever replace my daughter I lost-never! But I think if I didn’t have more children my husband and I would have just given up and died.
    You can love more than one person in your life and it is that way with your children. I love each of them and laugh at their wierd or funny things they do. It is neat to see how my oldest if just like her Dad and our son likes things that I do. Our daughter that we lost liked many of the same things I did and I really miss that…and her always.
    When you think you wouldn’t maybe want a boy, I have to say I felt that way at first. I had two girls and got pregnant again, but after we had him I was so so glad. A son is different than a daughter, but boy they are just as special. I cannot imagine life without him. My daughter has two kids-a girl and a boy. She didn’t know if she wanted a son but is so happy she has one. He is the biggest snuggle-bug ever! And having a little brother has been wonderful for her daughter who really needed a buddy. Seeing them together is so wonderful.
    Yes, it is exhausting, but it is amazing! My best time in life was when my kids were little. I loved that. But I finally have a special time again with my grandkids. Without them life would just not be the same. And even though they come over and eat, and destroy our house, we love it all!
    The more the merrier! Wish I could have tons of grandkids!

  • Melissa Misenheimer
    November 4, 2011

  • different parents different opinions. I personally love both of my kids the same. It’s good that you feel you shouldn’t have a second kid because of this. Your realistic for how you feel. But for me it’s surprising how much my love can grow. I definately don’t agree that all parents feel that they love their first the most. Though it is heartbreaking that it DOES happen. a parent will actually favor kids and treat a certain one better. Important thing is to recognize it and stop favoring and treat them all the same.

  • Haeraee
    November 4, 2011

  • I will never have another kid. I love my daughter more than words can describe and I love being a mommy it’s absolutely amazing. However, even if it is possible to love a second child as much as I do my first I still wouldn’t do it. I am a single mom and I am afraid my daughter would feel left out if I have another kid. if I stayed with the daddy of the new baby I would always put my daughter first, but I wouldn’t want to risk her feeling like she wasn’t first. Even if it wasn’t true, just to know that I might cause her to feel pain is enough for me. I know I would love another child and she would love a sibling, but I don’t ever want to put my daughter in the position to feel second best

  • Heidi
    November 4, 2011

  • I kind of felt that way too. When my daughter was 4, I got pregnant and I was not in a position to have another child at all. Abortion was not even an option for me, but my brother’s wife, after having two kids(before him) couldn’t have any more kids. I seriously considered giving my son up to them(privately I didn’t suggest it to them because I wanted to be sure–although I did offer to surrogate) . I could never put into words how very very extremely glad I am that I didn’t. I met a wonderful man that couldn’t have kids of his own and he adopted my son. He loves him like his own.
    I still have a special relationship with my daughter. I have loved seeing her mature and develop into the wonderful tween person she is. She’s brilliant and witty and funny and hard-working and independent and beautiful-both physically and personally.
    My son adores me. I can do no wrong in his eyes. He tells me something sweet twenty times a day. I am the most beautiful woman in the world.(my daughter knows better). The two relationships are so different and both are so wonderful. I don’t love my daughter any less or more than my son.
    Either way that you decide to go is wonderful. Just being Mom is the greatest joy of any, ever. But I doubt you would love another child even(especially) a boy, less than your first, although it may be a totally different kind of relationship.
    Btw, boys just seem so much easier than girls. From what I’ve seen in my life and other people’s lives. Girls start to really want their independence from you during the tween/teen years and then after they have their own kids, they are back to really wanting their Momma. Boys, boys just always seem to love Mom, they might argue with dad a bit, but Mom’s queen. I’m just saying that Mother/son relationship is just as strong and loving as Mother/daughter. Both are just magical.

  • Mary
    November 4, 2011

  • It’s not only possible, it’s inevitable — it just happens. It is a common fear for first time moms, and I felt it too. But the moment I held my second son in my arms…shoot, the moment I knew he was on his way…I was in love. And I didn’t “lose” any of the love I had for my first son…it just grew. And my older son? He loves his baby brother to bits? And my younger son? Well, the son rises and sets on my older son in his eyes. It really is a gift to watch the two of them…and I did that, I gave my sons this gifts by having both of them.

    I promise you, if you choose to have another baby, it is a decision you will never regret and you WILL love that second baby as much as your daughter.

  • Mary
    November 4, 2011

  • Wow, sorry about the poor grammar and misspellings in my previous post. :/

  • Francina
    November 5, 2011

  • I have 2 girls that are almost 5 yrs apart, they adore each other and you have to remember parents don’t live forever and siblings share a family history, I know that
    when I am gone they have each other.

  • Starr
    November 11, 2011

  • I totally agree I couldn’t imagine sharing my love with another kid, My son is such an amazing kid and we are very close. He was an easy baby and if i have another child that ends of being a cry baby i would go nuts, and i couldn’t imagine having a girl either because my son and i are all about wrestling and video games, pink makes me puke lol

    Cheers to one kids homes hahahaha

  • Starr
    November 11, 2011

  • *Kid