I’m all for making the kids smile during the holidays, but I also feel it’s only fair to warn parents. A lot of those toys you’re planning to buy–or already bought on Black Friday–will probably annoy the crap out of you for at least the next 2 months.
It’s sad, but true. You skipped out on Thanksgiving dinner early and stood in line for 2 hours for a toy that will make your life miserable. Parenthood–fun, right?
But for those of you slacker parents who haven’t even started holiday shopping–or you skilled shoppers who saved all your receipts–consider this your fair warning. If you get your kid one of these toys this holiday season, prepare to regret it for the rest of your life…
1. The Black Eyed Peas Experience for Xbox 360 Kinect. Because their songs were bad enough when they were in regular rotation on the radio, you’ll now have to suffer through not only listening to them, but watching your kid attempt to dance like Fergie. #enoughsaid
2. Fisher-Price Laugh & Learn Apptivity Case. Yes, in theory this little device is genius. It protects your iPhone or iPod Touch from baby drool. But that’s just it–it’s your phone. Your baby doesn’t need an iPhone, he/she needs a friggin rattle or something.
3. Paper Jamz Pro Guitar. I’ve actually never encountered this toy, but I can already tell it would annoy the crap out of any parent simply from the description.
“A built-in whammy bar and accelerometer really make the guitar wail.”
I don’t even know what a whammy bar is, but just about the only thing I can handle wailing in my house is my kid. Pass.
4. I Am T-Pain Microphone. On the one hand, yes, this mic is totally awesome. Who wouldn’t want to autotune his/her voice? But something tells me it’s going to get very old very quick. There’s a reason you can only name 1 or 2 T-Pain songs–that’s all your ears can handle.
5. My Baby Alive. I get the whole toddler fascination with babies, but this doll is just a bad idea. Think about it. The whole joy of having a toddler is that you don’t have to clean up excrement. And you don’t have to buy diapers! But this doll? Oh yes, she poops and pees and her replacement diapers are conveniently sold separately.
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