5 Things You Should Never Say to a Mom

5 Things You Should Never Say to a Mom

August 30, 2011


Farah Silver, hot topic

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You know how they say that kids say the darndest things?  Well, adults say some pretty terrible things, too, and it’s worse because they actually know what they’re saying!  Don’t believe me?  Let’s start with these five things you should never say to a mom.

1. How far along are you? I get this one all the time…maybe it’s because I look like I’m five months pregnant with my big a** belly.  But just because a woman looks pregnant, doesn’t mean she is.  As my mother-in-law wisely says, “Don’t assume anything because it makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”.

2. You look tired. I said this to one of my mom friends back in the day when our sons were babies, and you should have seen the look on her face.  It was a mix between shock, anger, embarrassment and sadness.  Apparently, she wasn’t tired; her son slept through the night for once and she did, too.  Boy did I make her day.

3.  Are you the nanny? I’ve been asked this question, too.  So what if my two-year old daughter has light brown hair with blond highlights and mine is jet black.  We might not exactly look alike, but the moment you hear her calling me “Mama” should be the moment you stop wondering whether I’m her nanny or her mommy.

4.  What do you do all day? This one’s for all the stay-at-home moms.  It’s insulting to think that SAHMs don’t do much.  We do the same thing that your daycare provider, babysitter or nanny does, probably only better, for free and without sick days or vacations.  And many of us squeeze in some volunteer or part-time work while our kids are at school or napping.

5.  You’re still breastfeeding? Whether she chooses to breastfeed for one month, one year, two years, or more, it’s really none of your business how long a mom breastfeeds her child.  Period.

Have any other questions or statements that irk you?  Share in the comments below.

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  • Mom Jeanine
    August 30, 2011

  • I’ve got one: “Are you having twins?” So annoying!

  • Leigh Ann
    August 31, 2011

  • Believe it or not I actually had a number of people ask me when my two were babie if they were mine. When I said yes, they then asked if I had adopted them. So I felt no remorse in telling them “No, my husband is black!” Occasionally I would whisper it for emphasis. To see the shocked look on their little southern faces was priceless. Families come in all different colors, shapes and sizes. And although my children clearly are mini me’s of myself and my husband, people feel the need to let their ignorance show. I am proud of my family. My children are proud of their brown daddy and their pale/peach/white mommy (depends on which child you ask as to the response) I no longer receive questions like this, thank God, but am still astounded to the this day that I ever had to answer one like it.

  • Rebecca
    August 31, 2011

  • “How old is your grandson?????” Um…he’s my son.

  • SDL
    August 31, 2011

  • “Your son is HOW old? But he’s so small, was he premature?” No, in fact he was 10 lbs when he was born, he just can’t seem to put on weight. Not the greatest answer, but the only one I have. My son is eight months old, just over 15 pounds, and perfectly healthy, according to his pediatrician and 2 other specialists I’ve seen. I get really sensitive on the topic, but am slowly getting used to it (could it also be because my postpartum hormones are ebbing away, hmmm….) But I now refrain from commenting on size and weight, big or small.

  • Annie
    August 31, 2011

  • I think the worst comment that I ever received is being called my son’s “GRAMMA” Okay, so I had him late in life, but trust me, my energy level is that of a 20 yr old. Last I saw, my face and hair are not that old looking :/ Funny thing, though, is that I really am a Gramma! I have 2 older children from a previous marriage and both have given me a grand-child each. But here is the ironic thing, when I have my son & grandson together, then people wonder if I am babysitting because my grandson is half-asian! Do I really have to explain this or can I just keep both eyes on my family and enjoy our time at the park??? Seriously, some people can be down right nosey… and rude!!!

  • Hannah
    September 1, 2011

  • I don’t even have kids yet, but the thing that annoys me most isn’t even something people say; it’s what they DO. I do NOT want random people touching my belly when I get preggers. NO part of me was public domain before, and it will not be once I am pregnant. I’ve seen people do that to women on the street, and I want to run up to them and be like, “Does she know you? No? Then WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING HER???”

    It’s going to drive me nuts, I can tell…

  • Janis
    September 10, 2011

  • I agree with the very annoying question: “Are you expecting?” My answer: “No way! What you’re really saying I’m fat in the tummy?!” One person even went further and said “it sure takes you a long time to loose all that baby weight.” Another sensitve question is “your child is how old? he’s so small for his age.” He was born normal weight and height, he eats a lot but just doesn’t seem to put on weight. His doctor is not concerned and he’s healthy. He’s really active so he burns off his calories quickly.

  • Lu
    September 24, 2011

  • Things that moms shouldn’t say to non-moms:

    1. My life was so meaningless before I had my baby…what is it you do again?

    2. You don’t know what pain is…I delivered a BABY!!!
    ^this one bugs me because not only does it belittle your experiences that they might not even know about, but it also implies some sort of heroic effort for them to push something out of their cooch, even though women have been doing it for thousands of years. Especially annoying for said mother was drugged and/or under anesthesia.

    3. Don’t say certain things to me…I’m PREGNANT!
    How smug are you? It’s called learning to deal with it. Non-moms can’t tell people what they can and cannot say, why do moms all of a sudden have that right? When I ask how far along you are, I’m trying to be polite by showing interest. I’m not trying to call you fat. (BTW, I’ve never mistakenly asked if somebody was pregnant when they weren’t…)

    I agree some people are ignorant (well, lots, really) and that the repetition can get annoying, but when I’m being polite to you, a pregnant lady, I expect the same back.