10 Strange (aka Gross) Habits My Toddler Must Give Up Before I Put Her In That Fancy Preschool

10 Strange (aka Gross) Habits My Toddler Must Give Up Before I Put Her In That Fancy Preschool

Mom Jeanine
October 12, 2011

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Yesterday I mentioned that I’m considering sending my little girl to a fancy (read: expensive) preschool next year. Before she gets there, however, we have a few things to work on.

I don’t think she’s any grosser than other children her age, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with her picking her nose… and rubbing it on her clothes. I’ve got 10 months to kick that and 10 of her other bizarre–and sometimes disgusting–habits.

1. She bites her toenails. I got her to stop biting her fingernails, but she’s turned her attention to her feet instead. What possesses a child to take off his/her shoes and socks and start chomping on toenails is beyond my comprehension. I just know it has to stop. Asap.

2. She likes to lick. People. I’ve mentioned this before, but I think it’s getting worse instead of better because not only does she like to lick me, she’s starting to lick herself. Apparently, we both taste like chocolate…

3. She likes to get naked. Somehow “take your sweater off” registers as get bare-butt nude to her. Instead of simply removing one item of clothing, she goes above and beyond the call of duty and is down to her birthday suit in a matter of minutes.

4. She kind of dances like an, umm, stripper. I know this is horrible to say about my 3-year-old, but it’s true. Part of it is my fault. I love me some Beyonce so my daughter has seen more than one of her videos. Except when my little girl does the dances, they don’t quite look the same. Of course it doesn’t help that she’s usually buck naked shaking her little butt.

5. She farts. A lot. I know most kids don’t understand the societal norms around passing gas at the age of 3, but to make matters worse, my daughter will fart and then ask, “You heard that?” Umm, yes. And I smell it, too.

6. She’s also a bit of a liar. At what age is it safe to assume your kid is a pathological liar? I’m not sure we’re there yet, but we’re probably close. When something goes awry my daughter will blame it on her doll, Elmo, even her grandpa who lives 3 states away.

7. She likes to show off her poo. You don’t even want to know how many pictures of poop in the potty I have on my phone. When it’s not enough for me to see them, she asks me to email them to my parents or video chat with someone so she can show them.

8. She is also fascinated by other people’s poop. Because I don’t believe in closing the door when we use the bathroom, I can never poop in peace. Before I can even finish my business, my little girl is trying to pry my behind from the toilet seat just to get a glimpse.

9. She goes into labor. Daily. After I explained to her that babies come out of their mom’s bellies, she hasn’t stopped stuffing dolls and plush animals up her shirt since. But she doesn’t just keep them there. After a minutes, she’ll lay on the floor and I have to be the doctor that helps pull the baby out. Yikes!

10. She pukes in her mouth. And then swallows it. Disgusting, I know, but just imagine how I feel. I have to smell her breath afterward. I guess because she hasn’t yet projectile vomited that she doesn’t know you’re supposed to spit that stuff out. Either way, no one should ever bear witness to that. It’s more disgusting than you can even imagine.

What about your kid? Any gross habits? Better yet, how do we get out kids to kick these disgusting habits? Share your advice in the comments.

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Comments

  • Lil Rinser
    October 12, 2011

  • Too funny! Thanks for making me laugh out loud.

  • Helen Williams Chaffins
    October 12, 2011

  • I got my son to stop biting his nails buy using some bitter nail polish called Malvala it’s like 9 bucks on Amazon but the bottle lasts forever because you only need a little dot on each nail.

  • Sam
    October 13, 2011

  • Totally hilarious! My little girl does a few of these like the farting thing and running around naked, and she goes to a fancy pre-school.

  • Alison Lathrop
    October 20, 2011

  • My 2 yo son farts, sniffs the air, and says “Mmmmmm!” LOL Wow. Not sure about that one.